Tom Sedoric
What does it mean to be a feminist today, less than a century after women constitutionally secured the right to vote? And, what does it mean for men?
These are no minor questions given the dramatically changing economic, social and political roles of our grandmothers, mothers, sisters, wives, friends and colleagues since World War II. The role of women in my life has been critical to my career as a financial adviser and to my personal development as well. Female influences extend from my late mother Ramona to my spouse and daughters. I am particularly grateful for my female friends, such as the chair of the New Hampshire Women’s Initiative, and a host of significant strong and independent thinking female mentors.
A pivotal point in my development occurred in 1973 when I was a 19-year-old student at Carleton College, a stout liberal arts school in Minnesota. I was fortunate enough to be the student guide and host for a speaker spending a few days on campus; the well-known writer and activist Gloria Steinem. Ms. Steinem saw I was an eager and engaged young man with an open mind. We enjoyed a life altering private lunch together four decades ago. Steinem said later that day “If we come here today, and there is no trouble here tomorrow, then we have not done our job” which set a frame of reference for how I would learn to treat women and who I might want as a life or business partner. Her sentiments were echoed a few months ago, now an ageless 79 years, when she remarked “What kind of trouble are we going to get into?” - an indication that Steinem’s fire still burns bright.
It is almost arcane now, but in the turbulent ‘70’s roles were such that for a male to have a successful career it helped to have an attractive “trophy wife” at one’s side to support you and represent the so-called proof of that success. For example, Steinem probed me in 1973, if at social gatherings, did I want a wife or partner at my side because of who that woman was or how she would appear to others? It was a lot for a 19-year-old teenager to consider. I had never been challenged to truly think about the root of sexism so fundamentally in my life. Steinem challenged me to think ahead and to think outside of social norms that influenced most developmentally challenged 19-year-old males.
Ms. Steinem shared her passion for gender equality again this past April when she spoke at a sold out event in Portsmouth hosted by RiverRun Bookstore, The New Hampshire Women’s Initiative, and the Women’s Fund of New Hampshire.
The event “Steinem Speaks” morphed out of a splendid lunch last fall with Mary Jo Brown, chair of the New Hampshire Women’s Initiative, me, and Ms. Steinem in New York. Her equality message is timeless. At its healthy core, feminism has never been about gender or making political statements or bra burning for me. It’s always been about equality not gender. My wife Barb is my partner, an equal, and someone to whom I look up to. My team of colleagues, who are mostly all women, are certainly not subservient and they are my colleagues in every sense of the word.
I often reflect upon my Mom who grew up before “equality” was in vogue. She was a straightA student, considered beautiful, and had social graces not typical of most. Furthermore, Mom’s I.Q. likely rivaled my father’s and she contributed considerably to his success and my growth. I am not exaggerating when I tell you too much of my Mom’s life might have been defined by her beauty, and sadly not her intelligence and capacity. Her roles, as wife and mother, were expected and encouraged in the 1940’s and 50’s. If my late mother had come of age in today’s world, she would likely have shared an equal role with my Dad not unlike that of the Clinton’s or the Bush’s. Ramona shared a rewarding and diverse life, but, in her day, she was never credited for all that she had accomplished. Growing up as a smart, beautiful woman in the 1930’s and 1940’s was unquestionably a social universe far and away from the opportunities and roles for women today.
A recent post by award winning Newsday columnist Cathy Young titled “The broken dialogue on men’s rights”, amplifies the impact a changing social and economic environment is having on young men who are struggling to find their place in a far more competitive environment than ever before. Many young men have lost their traditional role models, other than an occasional overpaid sports figure. Socially, both women and men now share a responsibility to young men just as they do to young women. Society, regardless of gender, pays for the significant and inordinate amount of suicide and violence by young males. I have no doubt that men are better off when they have stronger women in their lives as role models and mentors and women benefit from capable men in theirs as well.
A recent post by award winning Newsday columnist Cathy Young titled “The broken dialogue on men’s rights”, amplifies the impact a changing social and economic environment is having on young men who are struggling to find their place in a far more competitive environment than ever before. Many young men have lost their traditional role models, other than an occasional overpaid sports figure. Socially, both women and men now share a responsibility to young men just as they do to young women. Society, regardless of gender, pays for the significant and inordinate amount of suicide and violence by young males. I have no doubt that men are better off when they have stronger women in their lives as role models and mentors and women benefit from capable men in theirs as well.
I have found, when given the opportunity, that women can be better investors because they have been successful stewards – very often managing and caring for a family or the family business, and women are even better at seeing the big picture and investing for it. Women are not typically burdened with what we call the “Red Ferrari” syndrome we see in many successful men.
Like Superman, these men with driving gloves on, seek to jump higher, run faster, and achieve more, with no specific goal in mind other than short-term bragging rights and immediate gratification as their motivators. Is this a harsh assessment? Perhaps, but it’s one certainly worth considering given the economic and political challenges for which males are largely responsible.
When it comes to assessing my life and how much “trouble” I was willing to get into, I will leave it to others to make that grade. I can say, however, that my life and relationships are much richer because I listened to and followed the wisdom of Gloria Steinem and other smart women. As equals, we are better together.
This information has been obtained from sources deemed to be reliable but its accuracy and completeness cannot be guaranteed. The views expressed are those of Tom Sedoric – Partner, Executive Managing Director and Wealth Manager and are not necessarily those of Raymond James.